What the Enneagram and Jesus Teach Us About Loving Well

There’s a reason love is at the center of art, music, literature, science, and religion. The ability to give and receive love is a distinctly human trait (even if you think your dog is the expert). And yet, no one really teaches us how to love well. The “skill” of love is so relevant and yet so lacking in our culture.

New love feels easy. All the warm fuzzy feelings, consideration, thoughtfulness, and attention give toward one person. As young love matures, life happens and we wonder why it is’t so easy anymore! Why don’t they see that we are trying to love them? Why don’t they act like they love me?

Maybe it’s not romantic to say it this way- but expressing love is a skill and one that we can improve.

Logically, we know that people give and receive love differently. This is based on their personality, history, preferences, etc., and yet, we struggle. The best-selling book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman has been educating the world on this truth since its first publication in 1992. He said five distinct love languages exist, but I think we can do better.

Knowing your Enneagram number will give us two deep insights:
1. how to love you in a way that is meaningful.
2. how you can best love others.

In my recent podcast series, Love Me True, I selected two candy hearts inscribed with a single word. One for each number to give and one to receive. The idea is that we must be aware of how others want to be loved BY us, and we deserve to be loved in a way that is meaningful TO us.
(You can listen here on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube!)

I chose the words based on what I’ve learned from the Enneagram and Jesus.

What the Enneagram teaches us about loving well

The Enneagram teaches us how to see our blindspots and our shortcomings. We don’t naturally see these areas very well within ourselves. BUT THE PEOPLE WE LOVE DO. The Enneagram shows us where we are weak so that we can be stronger in how we love ourselves and others.

And so, I chose one word for each number to remind you how to love other people well.

❤️For the Enneagram One, I chose ROMANCE. A reminder to prioritize spontaneity and fun in your love relationships. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Two, I chose the word YOU. A reminder to not give your leftover energy and self to those you love the most. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Three, I chose the words SLOW DOWN. A reminder to stop working to prove yourself and just BE with the people who need you. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Four, I chose the word GRATITUDE. A reminder to focus on what IS rather than what is missing. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Five, I chose the words ENTER IN. A reminder to enter into the world of those you love with your emotions, time, and energy. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Six, I chose the word TRUST. A reminder to recognize when doubt or insecurity is holding you back from fully embracing love. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Seven, I chose the word PRESENCE. A reminder to stay in the moment with the people you love. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Eight, I chose the word AWARENESS. A reminder to notice how your energy and drive can push those you love away rather than draw them in. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Nine, I chose the word PARTICIPATION. A reminder to use your voice and express your thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. Watch the episode HERE

What Jesus teaches us about loving well

I can find no greater example of how to love other people well than Jesus. He was patient and kind when others were judgemental and angry. He was compassionate with less-than-perfect people yet offered them the courage to become more. He taught us how to live (and love) according to a higher purpose. When we are connected to that power source, we produce love in our lives that is beyond what we could come up with on our own. In the Bible, Galatians 5 calls this kind of love “fruit”.

The word that represents the love to GIVE each number is one of the nine fruits mentioned by the New Testament writer, Paul. When it seems hard to offer these things, remember that when you are connected to Jesus, you have all you need to love well.

❤️For the Enneagram One, I chose GOODNESS. Help your One replace their inner critic with a voice that reminds them of their goodness . Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Two, I chose the word KINDNESS. A Two wants to be appreciated and shown the same kindness they give so freely to others. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Three, I chose the words LOVE. A Three is trying to earn your love. Remind them your love is not conditional. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Four, I chose the word FAITHFULNESS. A Four longs to be with someone who will not abandon them, even when their emotions are big. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Five, I chose the words GENTLENESS. A Five needs personal space and plenty of time to prepare for energy expenditure. Be gentle with your demands. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Six, I chose the word PATIENCE. A Six needs to ask questions and take their time getting comfortable. Your patience is an act of love. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Seven, I chose the word JOY. Join the adventure and share the joy with your Seven. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Eight, I chose the word SELF-CONTROL. You must be loyal and trustworthy with your Eight. Having self-control will allow you to match their intensity and steadiness. Watch the episode HERE

❤️For the Enneagram Nine, I chose the word PEACE. This is the heart’s longing for your Nine. Bring peace to your relationship as you navigate through inevitable turbulence. Watch the episode HERE