Every Thanksgiving table has its own mix of ingredients:
a splash of tradition, a heap of noise, a sprinkle of emotion, and a few strongly held opinions that tend to show up uninvited––just like that extra side dish no one eats.
Blend these ingredients thoughtfully, and the day is warm and connected.
Blend them poorly… and well, you may end up with something burned, boiled over, or emotionally overcooked.
The truth is:
Most holiday tension isn’t about the turkey. It’s about people.
And even if no one around your table knows their number (or would ever admit to having one), you can still use the wisdom behind the Enneagram to create a more peaceful, meaningful Thanksgiving.
Here’s how to keep your holiday from becoming a full-blown Recipe for Disaster.
Disaster Ingredient #1: Assuming Everyone Experiences the Day the Same Way
Some people walk in wanting connection.
Some want structure and predictability.
Some want fun and spontaneity.
Some just want that peaceful, easy feeling.
Thanksgiving stress rises quickly when we assume our way is the “normal” way.
The fix:
Pause and remember: everyone regulates energy differently.
Give people options like quiet spaces, group spaces, and flexible plans.
Disaster Ingredient #2: Forgetting That Everyone Manages Emotions Differently
At any holiday gathering, you’ll have:
- the person who jumps in to help before you even ask
- the person who needs to think before responding (but if feels like silent treatment)
- the person who’s anxious about timing
- the person who wants to lighten the mood
- the person who is overwhelmed by the nostalgia
- the person who has opinions about the mashed potatoes
The Enneagram teaches us that none of these are character flaws—they’re coping strategies.
The Fix:
Extend compassion. If someone withdraws or someone else overfunctions, assume there’s a reason.
Not everyone processes stress the same way.
Disaster Ingredient #3: Running Too Emotionally Hot or Too Cold
Thanksgiving amplifies whatever energy is already present:
- If you’re anxious, you’ll notice every small hiccup.
- If you’re pressured, you’ll want to take control
- If you’re excited, you’ll want everyone else to be excited too.
This is normal—especially when family systems activate old patterns.
The Fix:
Take a breath before reacting.
Most holiday conflict can be avoided with a simple pause and a deep inhale.
Disaster Ingredient #4: Forgetting That Everyone Wants to Feel Seen
At the heart of every Enneagram type—whether they know their number or not—is a desire:
- to belong
- to matter
- to be valued
- to be understood
Thanksgiving takes a wrong turn when people feel dismissed or overlooked.
The Fix
Look for small ways to make people feel seen:
- A sincere compliment
- A thank you for what they contribute
- A question that invites them in (and then listening to what they say)
- A “Hey, I’m glad you’re here.”
Those tiny moments neutralize tension faster than any perfectly cooked turkey.
This year, let your table be a place where everyone feels seen in the ways they need it most, whether they know their Enneagram type or not.
